June 26, 2020
Teletherapy Comfort
For many, those two words are mutually exclusive! So, here are some tips to make online counseling a little more comfortable.
-Set some time aside before your appointment to write down things you’d like to address, practice some deep breathing, and get into the “therapy” mindset (whatever that is for you).
-Make the space as private and comfortable as possible. Once you find a set up that feels good, use it every time. Find a comfy blanket, a stuffed animal (or a real one, if they won’t be distracting), light a candle, and allow yourself to feel safe and comfortable.
-Feel free to tell your therapist to change positions. Some clients like me to lean in so they can see more of my facial expression, some like it better when I sit back. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.
-Set aside some time after your appointment to decompress. Remember you used to have a car ride or a walk home after therapy, now you just open the door and Boom! you’re back with family. Take some time to transition.
-Keep your expectations in check. Online therapy is different from face-to-face, but different isn’t bad, just different!
I hope you’ll try some of those before your next online counseling session. Be well and have wonderful day!
June 13, 2018
Don’t Quit
This is an oldie, but a Goodie. (There is some debate over who the author is.) It seemed appropriate on many levels for today:
“When Things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and debts are high,
And you want to Smile but have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he’d stuck it out,
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown,
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.”
December 14, 2017
Talk Less, Listen More
Some people are very guarded and quiet in their communciation style, almost as if they are afraid of being found out somehow. Others talk incessantly, desperately attempting to be heard and validated. Then there are those folks that seem to blame everything wrong in their lives on others, or those people who don’t really listen, but are quick to offer unsolicited advice. None of these approaches to communicating is effective.
Let me ask you something: What if you felt at ease and comfortable being your true, authentic self in your relationships with others? What do you think would happen if you felt safe to share your thoughts and feelings with others and they felt safe enough to do the same with you? When we practice effective, satisfying communication, we are rewarded with relationships filled with more love, intimacy, understanding, and trust.
Communication is so much more than just a way of talking or getting one’s opinion out in the air. Essentially, communication means transferring ideas, thoughts, desires, feelings from the privacy of one’s own mind to a common place where other people can share them and receive them. Words, body language, facial expression, tonality, and style are all a part of effective communication.
The elements of effective communication are easy to list, but can be challenging to implement:
-Use “I feel_________, when you____________, because__________.”
-Steer clear of “always”, and “never”.
-Pay attention to what your body is doing while you are talking or listening.
-Check your tone.
-Don’t keep things bottled up and then try to effectively communicate when the volcano finally erupts.
-Listen whithout judgement and without thinking about what you will say next.
-Put aside your need to be “right”.
-Use reflection: “What I hear you saying is______. Am I hearing you correctly?”
-Communciate in a way that will make sense to your recipient. For example, communication is different when you are talking to your 10 year old son versus your 40 year old coworker (or at least is should be!).
Communication is complex and wonderful and is certainly relationship enriching when done well. The above list really just scratches the surface, but it’s enough to get you started. Be curious about learning to be heard and understood, and learning to hear and understand.
Be Well and Have a Wonderful Day!
Kelly F. Dennis MS LPC 